Attorneys

Every state has a process for ending a marriage.  Some states refer to the divorce process a bit more formally, calling it "dissolution of marriage." 

STEP 1 – Talk to Your Spouse
An angry and bitter divorce will be longer and more expensive.  If you and your spouse are in general agreement regarding ending the marriage, the division of your marital property, and the custody of any children, the divorce will be undoubtedly be much less difficult than if any of those matters are in dispute.  Most people are not lucky enough to enter into an "uncontested divorce" and will have to go through the rigor of resolving these matters in a "contested divorce" proceeding. 

STEP 2 – Discuss the Distribution of your Property
Every state divides between the spouses the property obtained during their marriage.  Every state also allows the spouses to first determine how the marital property should be split.  If the spouses cannot agree to the split then the judge will split the property.  Most states use either “community property” or “equitable distribution” divisions.  

In community property states the marital property will be divided equally.  A court will not take into account each spouse’s income, wealth or other contribution to the marriage.  In an equitable distribution state each spouse is entitled to a portion of the marital property in relation to their contribution to the marriage.  This means both financial and non-financial elements of the marriage such as raising children and taking care of the home.

STEP 3 – Consult an Attorney
State law governs a variety of items relevant to a divorcing couple - such as grounds for divorce, what property is considered "marital property", and if married couples must be legally separated for any duration of time before a divorce may be granted.

STEP 4 – Determine your Grounds for Divorce
In states that allow “no fault” divorces, the parties do not have to state a reason for divorce beyond “irreconcilable differences.”  If your state requires a determination of “fault” before the divorce can be granted, there may only be certain grounds upon which you are legally entitled to a divorce.  For example, common "grounds" for divorce include adultery, fraud, abuse etc. 

STEP 5 – File for Legal Separation
Some states require that couples be separated for a specified time before a divorce may be granted.  Some states only require that the couple live apart from each other for a specified time, while some states require filing a notice of the separation with the court as well.  Until a couple has satisfied the time period required for separation the court will not accept a divorce application.

STEP 6 – Organize Financial Information
In a divorce the couple’s assets and debts will be split.  When a divorce application is filed most states also require the filing of detailed financial data to help the judge determine child or spousal support orders. For example in California it is called “Schedule of Assets and Debts” and in Florida it is called “Family Law Financial Affidavit.”

STEP 7 – File the Petition for Divorce
It is best if you have an attorney representing you.  Some jurisdictions may have different forms for divorce based on whether there are children involved, the amount of the marital property, and if it is an amicable divorce.  If you do not have an attorney this is the information that you most likely will be required to provide the court in your initial filing:
1)  Identify yourself and your spouse you are suing for divorce.
2) The names and ages of any children that you have and where they currently reside.
3)  Identify all marital property and debts and your individual income and assets.  Some courts may require a separate financial disclosure form be filed with the petition.
When the petition is filed most states require the plaintiff provide three or more copies of the petition and summons.  A summons is a court order requiring a party to answer a complaint and appear before the court.  The clerk will stamp all copies and give you back two, one for yourself and one copy for you to serve on your spouse.

STEP 8 – Pay the Court Costs
When a petition is filed the clerk will require that you pay the appropriate court costs.  If you are indigent you may ask the court to waive the fees, which may be included on the complaint form or may require a separate form.

STEP 9 - Serve Your Spouse the Divorce Papers
The party who files a court action is responsible for serving the other parties to the lawsuit.  Serving the other party means giving them a physical copy of the petition you filed as well as the summons.  In most states you may serve the other party through the mail or by having another person serve the defendant in person.  In some jurisdictions you may pay a fee to have the Sheriff serve the opposing party for you.  Most states do not allow a plaintiff to personally serve a defendant.

STEP 10 – Provide the Court with Proof of Service
After the defendant has been served most states require the plaintiff submit a “proof of service” with the court.  In this document the person who served the defendant must attest to the service, how and when the party was served.  The proof of service may be a part of the petition or may be a separate form.

STEP 11 - Attend a Child Support and Custody Mediation Session
If a couple has children, the court will also decide child support and custody at the time of the divorce proceeding.  In some states parents are required to attend a mandatory mediation session prior to a divorce hearing or trial.  The session is with a professional mediator who attempts to help the parties come to an agreement on issues relating to their children.  Usually, if the parents cannot agree the mediator files a recommendation with the court, which is usually entered as the order.

Because divorces are complex and emotionally intense events most parties have an attorney represent them.  Especially when you are deciding how to split your assets and custody of your children it is best to have another party negotiate for you.  An experienced divorce attorney may also help you find other resources to help you through your divorce.